Pirate Hooker: is a woman/girl who idealizes as sensual-perfection the image, object and spirit of a man that best embodies the style, look and character of a 16th or 17th century pirate.
This term is used in modern times to identify a woman who seeks a Back-to-The-Future- II-esk pirate who after commanding his pirate ship to 88 miles per hour in the Bermuda triangle is now masquerading around in modern times as your typical 21st century mid 20s man-hobo. So don’t be fooled think Jack Sparrow, think Devendra Barnhart... Picture this said pirate-hooker-swoon-machine as unshaven, drunk, with bits of pirate gruel in his beard and reeking of an acute case of Caribbean foot fungus ARRRRHHH SHIVER ME LABIA this be just the scallywag that the Pirate Hooker’s lady parts salivate for.
He has given up the high seas of the 16th and 17th centuries for the high rises of the 21st century and the pirate hooker wishes to go back in time and be his whore-island bride. Now, from the onset we have to carefully define this "plunderer of the hooker’s vagina" which btw is self describe by said hooker as “pirate waters.” If the pirate man tells the pirate hooker to start wearing purple they starting wearing bedroom eyes with rosy red cheeks and it sends their lady bits a blazing. (This is pushing gypsy but gypsies totally get along with pirates) A pirate is not to be confused with a modern day hippie. Now, both modern day hippie and pirate seem to be temporally displaced. Both are socially and mentally living in the past but they are two very distinct animals outside of a few similarities in appearance. First a hippie tends to be protective of, and have an affinity with nature and animals. The pirate which only has an affinity with rum, chaos and pirate hooker vaginas on the other hand would cut open a panda cub with a dull knife if told it had swallowed his flask of rum. Or imagine that the pirate would openly burn down an old growth forest filled with meditating hippies after having crossed his extremely alcoholized pee with a torch to settle a bet with his drunken swashbuckling friends.
Like many trust-afarian hippies the modern day pirate is actually a mama’s boy and not only because of the Mother tattoo. Dear mother probably pays the rent which the pirate actually doesn’t pay in lew of buying dark colored liquors and getting gypsies to dance. The pirate protects his piratexcore-ness imagine while living off mother by justifying it as just another way in which he is swashbuckling. The pirate may bring in some dough by playing in the local band or occasionally holding down a job at Whole Foods but don’t let the corporate apron fool you he is a bone chewing murderous chaotic hurricane just waiting to unleash his curved sword(penis) on an all too willing pirate hooker. YARRRRRRRRRRRR.
Anywhooo Im off work now but look for you token pirate hooker and pirate during your next voyage across the high seas of Salt Lake City. Smooth Sailing
